Have you ever befriended a white person who seemed progressive and liberal at first, but after you got to know them you realized their approach to antiracism is actually pretty racist? It is great that more and more people of all races are trying to educate themselves about different cultures and reaching out to peers of different backgrounds. But as a Black person, I have met the occasional social justice-loving white person who seems like someone I could marathon Insecure with over wine and popcorn, Olivia Pope style, and then one day I glance the #AllLivesMatter button on their backpack and I feel like I’ve had a rug pulled out from under me. It sucks. It hurts. And it happens so friggin’ often that I have created my own amateurish definitions of the 4 most common “progressive” white people. Read on and enjoy, I’m gonna go take some deep breaths and cool down.

1. The Cultural Appropriator:

This white person LOVES Black culture. The Cultural Appropriator comes in two versions: the male and the female. The male Cultural Appropriator sings the N-word when he listens to rap music, his go-to greeting is “’Sup?” and he aspires to have sex with a Black woman—not a mutually loving relationship with a Black woman that lasts for decades—just sex. Beware of the male Cultural Appropriator who wears wife-beaters and cornrows on Halloween…or on any other day of the year. No white guy should ever wear cornrows or wife-beaters.

In contrast, the female Cultural Appropriator listens to white female rappers like Zara Larsson and Bhad Bhabie (because feminism, I guess), she twerks at parties, and actually does hookup with Black guys—not date and then begin a mutually loving relationship with a Black guy that lasts for decades—just hookup.

The one thing these men and women have in common is that for all the Black culture they indulge themselves in, neither one of them has a Black friend (and no, your weed guy doesn’t count).

2. The Rainbow Gang-Leader:

This white person appears to be culturally competent because their circle of friends is made up of at least one person from every ethnicity. They’re genuinely funny and personable, and their friends can’t get enough of them. Unfortunately, one day you’ll have a conversation with this person and they’ll randomly start using the N-word like it’s a type of punctuation. If you call them out on how obviously racist they’re being, they’ll quickly respond with, “I’m not racist! My best friend is Black!” That’s when you realize that the POC’s this person keeps in orbit around them are just sentient shields they use to deflect anyone who criticizes their racist behavior. They want to relish the racial superiority they feel when they use the N-word (and the C-word, and the S-word, and the K-word), but also avoid the social consequences of using racial slurs in the presence of actually culturally competent people by hiding behind their ethnic friends. This person may never learn their lessen because they have mastered the art of surrounding themselves with enablers who will never challenge them to become actual good people. You just know their one Black friend also thinks the N-word isn’t racist (ugh).

3. The Enlightened Intellectual:

Aka the whitesplainer, this white guy (it’s usually a guy) is determined to prove to you how educated he is about the many mechanisms that keep you and your fellow African Americans oppressed. The Enlightened Intellectual will make every conversation between you two about race. He will jump at the chance to define terms like affirmative action and school-to-prison pipeline to you like he’s a human deck of African American studies flashcards. This guy took one African American studies course in college, he was the only white member of his town’s chapter of the NAACP, and he dated a black girl in high school. He will tell you all these facts repeatedly, unprompted. The Enlightened Intellectual will convince himself that he’s the ultimate progressive white guy and a perfect ally to all Black people, but in reality he is just a modern-day armchair philosopher who won’t take action toward eradicating racial injustice let alone actually listen to a Black person talk about it.

4. The Gay-cist (Gay Racist):

This is the out and proud queer person who identifies with a legitimately marginalized group, but fails to acknowledge that being white gives them numerous social advantages. This is the queer white person who is visibly miffed when they learn of a LGBT organization or event that is only for people of color, or worse, this is the white person who attends those events and proceeds to dominate the conversation by talking about how they just learned that institutionalized racism is a thing. The Gay-cist will deny that users of gay dating apps like Grindr who write things like “No Blacks” in their profiles are racist. The Gay-cist only swipes right on white profiles, but will claim that they’re not racist—“it’s just a preference.” The Gay-cist will have an encyclopedic knowledge of famous white LGBT historical figures like Harvey Milk and Sally Ride, but will raise an eyebrow at the mention of queer Black historical figures like Bayard Rustin or Marsha P. Johnson. The Gay-cist can quote lines from classic white-lead LGBT films like But I’m a Cheerleader and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but they still have not seen Moonlight or Pariah. The Gay-cist will disagree that Orange is the New Black was racist and problematic even before the infamous season four finale.

The Gay-cist may engage in cliché hetero-white person faux pas like touching Black people’s hair without permission or using the term “mulatto.” The Gay-cist’s white privilege has allowed them to experience LGBT life similarly to how a hetero white person experiences life—blissfully ignorant of systemic inequalities faced by people of color and of how they (the Gay-cist) passively and actively contribute to racism. Meeting this person may fill you with a special kind of disappointment in the human race.

Have you met any of these “progressive” white people before? Have you encountered any other types not covered here? Describe them in the comments below.